Welcome, contestants, to the judging of Round 2 of TOP NOVELIST. This week, your challenge was to look around you for your inspiration, and turn it into vivid prose. You will find all of the responses here.

We must start by saying how unsurprised we were that 11 fiction writers couldn’t follow the rules. We asked for a description of a place, and we got descriptions of people, of mindsets, and in one case, some smack-talkin’. And so this week’s results.

Julia, we were pleased to see that at the very least, you described a place in detail. But Tolkein posters and a cat? You need to get out more. But not this week. You’re still in.

Patricia, your protest description was vivid and energetic. Your optimism makes us gag. And really…were you actually at the protest when you stopped to write this? We aren’t fooled (well, one of us was, which was enough to keep you in this week).

N., what we know about your setting…umm…there’s a desk there. And a creepy mouse. But creepy mice go a long way in fiction, so you’re in.

Daniel, were you a virgin, like, last week? Get a grip, man. She’s just your girlfriend, and you could maybe try to find a way to describe her that isn’t exactly how 5,000 college boys describe their girlfriends every single day. While we’ve got words for BILL and his trash-talking, about you this week, he was right. But for the time being, you and you cliché girlfriend can stick around.

Nels: prison of the mind, indeed. (We’re not sure what this comment means, but we weren’t sure about your entry either. We’re not very bright, after all). You’re around to try a prison break again next week.

And now, for the top three writers this week:

Suzanne, while you patently ignored our advice to break out of trappings of genre in which you are so ensconced, we couldn’t ignore the fact that all of the admins at TOP NOVELIST HQ were a-twitter about the dashing Jarod Jefferson IV.

Perry, some of your fellow contestants may insinuate an unfair advantage, since your genre allows you a narrator who notices every detail about setting, but when that setting contains a wood chipper in an office space, well, that takes cojones. But enough with the Vincent D’Onofrio schtick. This ain’t Law & Order.

Phillip, after a week of silence, we were pleasantly surprised to receive your entry. Welcome to the competition, a bit late, but we suspect that may be the story of your life. But we digress. Your description is both vivid and evocative. The undercurrent of self-loathing made us glad that it was brief, though, unlike say, Perry’s.

And the winner of Round 2 is . . . Perry. Congratulations, and no, Bill, Perry doesn’t get immunity from elimination next week. Neither do you, but that’s another story that leads us to . . .

The bottom three writers this week:

Bill, your entry for this week revealed how much of your fiction is autobiographical, as you are clearly a prick. This in and of itself is not cause to be kicked off the show, but not answering the question might be.

Lucy, we were hoping for a red velvet boudoir, a tent in the midst of the Saudi desert with incense burning within, or at least—if you’re going to describe an airport—a description of someone being initiated into the Mile High club. Instead we got, well, an airport on what? a Wednesday?

Sadie, our multinational corporate sponsors have politely requested that we cease and desist offering you a forum for the spouting of your liberal rhetoric. Go write pamphlets for Patricia to pass out at her next rally.

Bill and Lucy, congratulations: you’re in this week. Sadie, this is your rejection letter.

A quick administrative note: Since the east-coast-centric Updike is no longer around to insist upon a noon EST deadline, we’re moving the posting deadline to 7pm EST on Thursdays. You’re welcome, West Coast. Don’t forget to post snarky comments below, and check back for the next challenge on Monday.