Well, sort of. Actually, what I got this evening was the statistical report for the bubble-in questions for one of my two classes, the Brit Lit class. There are a few baffling results, but generally, these results are statistically very similar to what my students said last semester. According to the percentiles, my scores rank in the 90th percentile for the college (87th for the University) for overall teaching effectiveness, which makes me quite happy. What’s odd is that this semester (very much in contrast to last semester) students gave me lower-than-average ratings for mastery of subject matter (I have NO idea why) and whether they “enjoyed going to class.”

That last one is my own fault. Eighteen of the questions are predetermined, and five of them I get to choose from an extensive list. “Enjoyed going to class” must have been the result of a personal sense of self-loathing the day I made my requests.

I think my comp scores are already in, but they come directly to the composition office, so I don’t get them electronically. I suspect those will be a bit better than last semester’s.

Here’s the thing. I have been totally chomping at the bit to see these things. I can’t put my finger precisely on why, except that it feels like much the same impulse I had as a student to ask “Do you have our papers yet?” which is one of my least favorite questions of all time to have to answer. But I sure do know why it’s being asked.

Even at this late date, I want to be rated, and rated highly. I want to max out the “excellents” in the annual review, I want off-the-charts course evals, I want chili peppers on my RMP site. I wanted there to be a high pass option for my oral exams, not ‘cause I knew I’d get it, but because I wanted to have something more than pass/fail to tell me how I’d done. Back when I had a therapist, she had something to say about this…

Someday, I’ll learn to be satisfied because I’m satisfied, not because someone tells me I’m satisfactory. Not today, though.